We talk about it, we sing about it, we “feel” it, we say that is all we need in life, we say that it is stronger than hate, we say that it is the antidote to the many wars we have but I wonder, how many of us actually know what love is and how many have truly experienced it and can give it out? I find it ironic that even a person who has no beliefs in God would advocate for love and I often wonder what is the basis of their advocacy? Now, my goal with these questions is not to look down on anyone but simply trying to understand what we mean by love when we discuss it. Looking at the state of our world, it is evident that we do not really know what love is and that in fact we are quite confused about it. I believe it is Dr. Myles Munroe who has said something to the effect of “not knowing or understanding something well leads to the abuse of that thing” and that could mean disaster. It seems despite being a generation with great discoveries and technological advancement we fail to understand the fundamental: be humble and submit to the knowledge that is greater than yours. We are too proud and do not seek the wisdom from past generations because we say and think we are better than them. We have departed from our core purpose as species at a physiological level which is reproduction. We live and embrace individualism which leads to isolation and destruction of our own in the long-term. I wonder, what has gotten into us? Why are we so confused about everything? I would like to suggest that it is because we have traded our place with God’s. We have decided to replace God in our lives with ourselves. The consequences are simply catastrophic. We have disregarded the wisdom of the One who created us and have abused all His principles and institutions. Two areas where I find it notable in our society is in marriage and family, specifically in adoption. My goal in today’s post is to bring us into the awareness of where we are as a society and what we as Christians should do if we want to honour marriage and family.
Let’s start with marriage. Unlike our society which portrays it as a right, marriage in the bible is God’s institution. At its core, it is not a right, rather it is a covenant that is made between a man and a woman. As a matter of fact, we take the model of our earthly marriages from the marriage between Jesus Christ and his bride, the Church. It is that kind of relationship we are to emulate in our earthly marriages. A relationship based on love and sacrifice. During Israel’s disobedience, God would often run after her like a husband running after his unfaithful wife and call out her unfaithfulness (see Ezekiel 16:32; Malachi 2:10-16). In other passages, God will explicitly declare Himself a husband to Israel (Isaiah 54:5; Hosea 2:16; Jeremiah 31:32). The same idea is still true of us Christians today, God is our husband. That is what we see in Christ, we have been purchased for God, He is our husband and we, the church is His bride. Why is this important? Because, failing to see marriage as being God’s institution, something that is from God and of God will only lead to the disastrous results we have in our marriages today. Therefore, two people who decide to get into this institution of marriage must abide by the rules of that institution. God created marriage, and He makes the rules, we do not. We must honour the One who made it, not the participants. One of those rules is remaining faithful to the covenant. Both the husband and the wife must keep the covenant, it is not meant to be broken. Moreover, there are rules that are specific to the husband and other that are specific to the wife. One main rule is for the husband to love his wife and give himself up for her like Christ did for the church and for the wife to submit to her husband as she does to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-25). Now, one cannot do the previous without love. So what is love? In 1 John, we are told that we love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19) and in his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul tells us that “love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres and it never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a). Paul started this chapter by stating that anything you do with the gifts and talents the Lord has given you, as grand as the thing you do is, if it is done without love is actually nothing. I believe, all our “good deeds” are void of meaning without love because God is love. We cannot do anything that is good without Him at the centre. Similarly, our marriages cannot amount to anything if God – love is not at its centre. The characteristics of love that Paul details for us in the passage above are characteristics of God. We might look at those as something we too should emulate and feel overwhelmed but the idea here is not to do anything in our own strength. The One who is Love will give us the strength to love adequately, better yet, if we submit to His leading, He will love through us. Once again, we must learn to give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God. Marriage is God’s idea, He came up with that, not us so let us return to His idea, let us return to the One who created this beautiful institution.
Second, let’s look at adoption which is another area where we as a society have abused God’s principles. The story of redemption says that God has redeemed us from the curse of sin and has made us into sons, heirs of his kingdom. We are no longer slaves, but sons (Galatians 4:4-7). We who were not part of God’s family have been grafted into His family and have been given the full benefits that come with being a rightful heir. The privileges are immeasurable and I know for a fact that I do not grasp it fully but I believe it by faith. Adoption, as you see, did not start with us. We did not come up with the idea and when we look at the way we adopt in our society, is it any wonder it is a failure? Not many Christians think of adoption as something important they should do or participate in but God is all about adoption. From the very beginning, God has been named the Father to the fatherless and He has not changed (Psalm 68:5). Since we did not come up with the idea of adoption, we ought to look to God to show us how to adopt. Adoption in our society is convoluted, based on preferences, wants and desires. Often, we go for it as a last recourse when our options are non-existent or limited. The results of our parenting in such cases are evident. The adopted child who was meant to be receiving the love he or she did not have is now deprived of it and his/her condition is even worse than the first. Moreover, the system is inadequate and flawed so there are often more harm done than good. Once again, this happens mainly because we do not look to the One who has come up with that idea. I may not know much about adoption but as an adopted child of God, I know it is beautiful. It is not the easiest but it is beautiful. God adopted us, filthy people into His pure and magnificent family, He made us His own. He displayed long-suffering, love, kindness and everything Paul laid in 1 Corinthians and in the end, He won us over and we can testify that this is good. Why would we not do the same for the children He places on our path?
It seems to me that everything in the Christian life boils down to our surrender. I pray we become people who easily surrender, people who do not seek their personal interest but the interest of others, people who are willing to die and die constantly to their flesh. It is not easy but as Jesus will say “take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Amen.
A Word Aptly Spoken 